I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
