Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
