yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
