She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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