Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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