The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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