I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
