My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
