I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
