I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
