im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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