i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Even my vagina gasped.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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