how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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