Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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