Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
