that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
