So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
