god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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