You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
