Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
