If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
