these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
