He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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