Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
