i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
