My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
