I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
