nut hugger
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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