Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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