i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
