it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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