Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
