some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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