I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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