I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
