You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
