He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
