Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...