I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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