I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.