I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
