how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
