I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.