uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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