Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.