In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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