i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
