i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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