Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
