I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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