I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
