And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize