I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
