Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
