No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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