God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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