My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
