you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize