8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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