I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
