I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need a beard to bite.