DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?