hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.