I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now