Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake