smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed