Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
