and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize