I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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