So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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