Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
